I did not watch the MTV movie awards

I did NOT watch the MTV movie awards

Watching the MTV movie awards is like watching the Kids Choice Awards and taking them seriously. However, because this is a movie blog I figured I should briefly talk about each winner. So, let's hope the winners list on USA Today is accurate, and have a little Vent

Best Female performance: Jennifer Lawrence for the Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

I'm aware this is a still from the first movie

I like the outfit more. Seems more battle-ready.

So far so good. I actually can agree with this choice. Jennifer Lawrence really showed her acting chops in the Hunger Games sequel, I mean it certainly surprised me. I walked into HG2 expecting to hate it, but I was pleasently surprised by just about everything in it. The plot was smart, far more satirical than I expected, and the characters (for the most part) were well written and likable. Jennifer Lawrence definitely helped this movie find its footing, and I couldn;t think of anyone else who could possibly play Katniss Everdeen.

You win this round MTV movie awards.

Best male performance: Josh Hutcherson for the Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Pita sucks. Pita sucks. Pita sucks. Pita sucks. Pita sucks. He is useless. He is baggage. Katniss carries him through everything, and Jennifer Lawrence carries Josh Hutcherson in similar fashion. Dear God, this is stupid. Josh Hutcherson wasn't terrible, but I wouldn't say he was worthy of an award like this. I suppose being a hot teen idol gives you an edge in this show, as I will also remind you that Leonardo DiCaprio was up for the same award ande did not win.

Oh Leo... will you ever find true love?

Best Kiss: Emma Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, and Will Poulter for We're the Millers.

...this is a dumb category. Next.

Best Fight: Remember how badass Legolas is? Don't worry, he won.
 
Next.

Best comedic Performance: Jonah Hill for Wolf of Wall Street

...Why WAS Superbad so poular anyway?

 

Now, I haven't seen Wolf of Wall Street yet, so I cannot verify if he deserves this. However, I liked Jonah Hill in Get Him To the Greek so... sure, why not?

Best on-screen duo: Vin Diesel and Paul Walker in Fast and Furious 6

If I remeber correctly, a dead guy in a category usually bumps the chances of him winning up. Too soon? Perhaps, but I call shenanigans here and the primary suspect is teenager feels.

Best fanservice: High School Musical is still relevant.

Next.

#WTF moment: Wolf of Wall Street.

I just want to take this time to point out how dumb hastags are. Last year this category was called "Best WTF moment" not hashtag. #stupid

Best villain: Mila Kunis in Oz the Great and Powerful. Michael Fassbender in 12 Years a Slave

MICHAEL FASSBENDER PORTRAYED ONE OF THE MOST UNSETTLING CHARACTERS OF THE YEAR AND YOU GO WITH WICKED.

Best musical moment: Wait, it wasn't Let it Go?

Let it Go wasn't even in the nominees? Huh...

Best cameo performance: Rihanna for This is The End.

To be honest though, this whole movie was a cameo performance.

Best hero: Henry Cavill as Clark Kent in Man of- WHAT?!

No! No! NOnononono! NO! Nuh-uh! No way! No sir! No sir! I do not accept this! This is not true. I don't care if swarms of Americas youth, blinded by Justin Bieber and hashtags voted on this, it does not stand! Man of Steel was awful. It was pure garbage, and Superman is not portrayed well in this stupid thing at all! Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! You have Bilbo Baggins from the Hobbit and freaking Thor in this category and you choose this? REALLY!? REALLY?!

THIS IS DESPICAPLE
I... I am glad I missed the MTV Kids Choice Awards. I am friends with teens, and none of them would ever think this way. The categories are stupid, and they have no merit whatsoever. I know teenagers who would scoff at the idea of making a best shirtless scene category in lieu of best script, or best score. How can there be a best comedic performance award and not its antithesis? Clearly, teens know what drama is if they watch the Hunger Games, you can give them that, can't you?
This terrible corporate schlock is designed to get teens excited about product.

 THAT'S what Zac Efron's chest is: product.
 THAT'S what Paul Walker's death is: product.
 THAT'S what a scathing political satire starring a strong female lead is: Product.
 And in retrospect, that makes the irony all the more palpable.

I find it intersting that the Hunger Games won two of these awrds, when the entire crux of the series is about the bullcrap of hollywood exageration and how it can be manipulated to distract from core issues. I know that not all awards shows do this, and I am also aware that some of my favorite movies and TV shows commit this crime, but this is the worst offender. People are smart, and teenagers can be incredibly intelligent. Let them vote on categories that are meaningful, and let them use the analysis we try so hard to teach them in schools.

Movies have purpose that can extend outside of this terrible portrayal. And teens know it, so let them show that they know. Some of the teens watching may be the filmmakers of tomorrow, and if this is the way they get into movies, then I fear for the future of the art. But I know, that's a worst-case scenario. There are plenty of examples of movies and award shows that do not act as stupid and soulless as this, and those are the things we should focus on.

And even after all of that you STILL won't give Leonardo Dicaprio an award, not even one that's as dumb as this?!

Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do.

Screw this, I have a script to write.

What are YOUR thoughts on the MTV advertisement awards? Sound off in the comments below!